“Surrender means, by definition, giving up attachment to results. When we have an attachment to results, we tend to have a hard time giving up control.” Marianne Williamson
With my impending divorce, I am learning that emotional pain comes from holding on to the outcomes that I project. How will it all end? I have no idea. But I am beginning to do my mourning. As well as mourning the end of the marriage, I am mourning the part of me that will never be–the part I was with him. That may be a good thing–time will tell.
My sadness comes and goes and I’m learning to allow it to be. No one ever died from feelings. I am also learning that I have been punishing myself for years by choosing people who withhold approval. Long ago, I guess I learned to not expect much. This a common choice when you grow up in a violent dysfunctional home. I knew I didn’t have a high desire for things. I’m sure a lot of oldest children growing up in homes with continual financial problems make the same choice. But I didn’t know I had made the same choice for my emotional health–or lack of health.
Now, I am studying Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix (the 20th anniversary edition). The main lesson I’m learning so far is understanding my subconscious partnership. The book is for couples so I hope one day to share it with someone I care about. In the meantime, I have work to do on knowing what I need and how to learn to ask for it.
Some other posts about letting go:
A Closed Hand Can’t Receive–“Letting go of past experiences, and the objects mentally connected to them, releases the energy that fuels us into a fulfilling future. As a recovering addict, this is something I’m familiar with. I am mindful each day of continuing to let go of the self-imposed limitations of addiction, and allowing positive experiences and energies to propel me into tomorrow.”
Life: A Balance of Holding On and Letting Go–“I know exactly how it feels to be left behind, but it’s a different kind of hurt when you’re the one who has to do the leaving. Being left hurts more, and knowing what that feels like makes it even harder for me to leave someone, especially if that someone means the world to me like my family does.”
Letting Go–“Yesterday I went running in the woods near our old place. As I ran through the secluded hills and trails, I felt like I had come home. In the quiet, the calm, the peacefulness – God’s whisper in my spirit reminded me – He was with me. Everything will be ok. I’m learning to let go. I’m learning to lean on His strength.”