Codependency/PTSD/relationships is my new research study. Although I thought I have been applying what I have learned about codependency, imagine my surprise and pain when my active drinking alcoholic husband left me in 2009 and I had to admit that I had recreated my childhood home. And I was the good, perfect wife. Right!!
So I took another 5th step and freed myself of the bondage of guilt and shame finally (after 32+ years of sobriety). Never too late to have a happy childhood.
I am listing some of the codependency links I’ve found. I like to include a sample from the links I share so that the reader can get a feel for the material.
allaboutcouseling.com has a great section about codependency and answers the following questions:
- What is codependency? What’s the definition?
- How do I know if I’m codependent?
- Isn’t everyone codependent?
- Why do we become codependent? What causes it?
- Melody Beattie writes that codependency is unique in that recovery can be fun and liberating. What does she mean?
- How can counseling help?
Codependency is an issue for Relationships from Reignite the Flame:
Codependency basically means emotional dependence – your moods and feelings are dependent on how others feel about you.
It’s the deep meaning behind neediness which you should know is always extremely unattractive and only pushes people away.
BPD’s react differently however – they are insecure as well and will put up with your deep neediness in spurts before cheating on you ‘out of the blue’ or just dropping you completely leaving you lost and confused.
Normal people would simply break up with you or leave you. However, BPD’s have extreme abandonment issues (as do codependents – think about that for awhile) and are awfully afraid of losing you despite your neediness.
So even if you learn how to cover up your neediness, eventually your deep codependent roots will surface and drive you nuts because deep down you are just as needy as your BPD and fear abandonment just like they do.
Behind Every Alcoholic is a Family Member or Two or Three from Breaking the Cycles.com:
Today, most of society still does not understand what happens to the family members behind the addicts/alcoholics. Just as the overwhelming stigma and shame continue for addicts and alcoholics in recovery or still grappling with the disease, so too is there huge stigma and shame for the family members. The latter is often centered around the misinformed belief that there is something the family member can be doing to make the drinking or drug abuse stop and that once it’s stopped, all should be well for them, too.
Take the intervention-type programs on television, for example. These shows present the stories of the years of anguish family members experience in their lives as a result of a loved one’s substance abuse and addiction. And, then, after an emotional intervention session, the addict/alcoholic goes off to treatment, but rarely do we then hear, “Gee… now how are we going to help all of these other people still sitting here in this room who’ve been so traumatized?”
“Understand signs of codependency. There are many signs and most of them are related to boundaries. Like boundaries with personal “physical” space (ie. standing too close to someone in an elevator) people in codependent relationships interfere with others by invading emotional space. When you realize you feel uncomfortable when asked for help, a person close to you is always needing help and you are the main provider for comfort or any other support, or feeling pulled in many directions by the people closest to you.”