From Just for Today: “Barricades“:
“You know those places deep inside of our souls that we cover up, that we surround with bricks and mortar and then live in the illusion of freedom right outside that fortress wall that is protecting our deepest fragile spots? It’s like we live right outside the wall, we smile, we laugh, we grow beautiful flowers and we pretend that all is well inside….well, somehow that spot got invaded last week. That fragile little spot that I had covered so well, that spot that needs to belong and needs community with her people, was jostled around and that sharp pointy needle of rejection, of not fitting, of being alone, pierced so deeply it physically hurt. It totally took me by surprise that something that seemed so innocuous could be so searing. I have cried over these hurt feelings for a week now. As recently as this morning.”
From Infactorium: “We Have Ceased Fighting“:
“I like fighting. I like arguing and debating. Doesn’t matter what the topic is, I’m pretty sure I’m right and you’re wrong. The online world is designed to insert divisions in groups (not that humans needed a lot of help in the matter, but we got it anyway). Even groups that fundamentally agree on most things will align themselves against each other, behind barricades and fixing bayonets over minor semantics and points of argumentation.
It makes me sad. But I am learning to stop fighting. I do less of it than I used to. Largely through disassociation. I have eliminated more than three quarters of the people in my twitter feed, and set up filters so that I just don’t see most of the blowhards when they get riled up. But I shouldn’t fool myself: I am one of the blowhards. I regularly state opinions which people are free to disagree with, and then find myself annoyed when they do.
Truly ceasing fighting would probably be to finally actually follow through on my occasional dramatic outbursts and delete twitter and delete my blog and delete facebook and abandon social media and find myself in a smaller world with less strife and more time to simply be in my moment, present.’
From Happy, Joyous & Free: : “Evan, trust, God, and stuff“:
“The visit with my family was bittersweet. So much dysfunction within their respective families. My sister’s children are mildly racist, ignorant and very emotionally immature. She raised them in a small shit hole town filled with ignorance and illiteracy, generations of it. A large drug and alcohol culture – lots of meth addicts there – but surprisingly only one of the in-laws seems to have a drug addiction. The rest of them have no self esteem, codependency and just a general sense of denial and comfort in their ignorance. I found myself saying to the younger kids to keep studying, go to college so they could get out of that horrible place. I think it fell on deaf ears. They don’t know it can be different, better, somewhere else. The 18 year old just wants to go see Justin Bieber in concert next month. *sigh*.”